


Where do you draw the line?

by Maledictius



Category: Temeraire - Naomi Novik
Genre: Character Study, M/M, POV First Person, but not really but almost?, i honestly don't know, it might make sense it might not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21795412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maledictius/pseuds/Maledictius
Summary: Musings on William Laurence from Tenzing Tharkay
Relationships: William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Where do you draw the line?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darlingofdots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingofdots/gifts).



Where do you draw the line between what is tolerable and what is not?

Do you dare draw it at all and risk getting stuck behind or risk the pain of crossing it? How can you define what is tolerable when misery follows you wherever you may turn? When you are forced to grow, to change, to survive? How can you put down the line of enough when you can not fathom what is enough until you’ve been there and then it’s already too late?

Is the line drawn behind you already?

At what point do you stop and throw your hands in the air and cry: Enough! No more!

You don’t, because you know that if you ever put that line down it will break your heart when you are inevitably pushed over it.

So you keep quiet to save yourself the sorrow. You hold your head high and move forward, leaving a hundred points of ‘not tolerable’ behind you. There can be no line as long as there is a You.

Where do you draw the line between war and murder?

Is it when you look into the eye of the man you cut down and see that he wants to be here as little as you? Or when you soar over a field covered in blood and death and has to swallow down the bile and the grief that would bring you down if you let it?

War is fought on maps; murder is done with swords and black-powder, teeth and claws and fire and acid. Is it war when you fight to survive? For the day, for forever? Is it murder when honour is thrown to the wind and deaths are a count towards victory?

Is the difference the flag under which you fight? The land for which you fight? Is it murder when you don’t know what you fight for, or why? Is it when you stop caring that the line gets drawn? When your motives become muddled in self-interest? Is the line between what you choose to do and what you must do?

Will you let it go on when the rules have been abandoned? When that last scrap of honour that you’ve clung to in order to justify your actions have been torn away?

You will draw the line at some point. Raise your head up and cry: Enough! I will not abide by this.

The line is drawn between what makes you human or monster.

For with a sword in your hand and a dragon at your back you will resolve to protect your honour. And not only yours, as selfishness can not be attributed to you. But, as always, it is a narrow road you walk.

Where do you draw the line between pride and sense?

The point at which you may choose to sacrifice one for the other. To stand on rules, in your honour as a man, on what you once thought was right, or to go against all that you’ve been taught in favour of what you truly _feel_ is right.

There are years behind your eyes now. Years of new places and new people and new ways come to challenge that which you knew. You might doubt the previous placement of a line drawn. You start to learn the difference between what is correct and what is _right_.

So you come to a point in your life where everything has changed. Where you have changed. But so many questions remain and all you know is that you’re not alone. That you will never be alone, never be parted from him. And you know that there will be a day when he will be parted from you and you try to not think about it.

You add it to the pile on the other side of a line where future problems are stored. It’s growing at an alarming rate.

Where do you draw the line between you and me?

In the space between us or in the words forever unspoken? Is the line drawn with decorum and professionalism? Would you draw it at all if given the chance?

If I offered you a choice would you make it?

There was a line drawn once and as it was erased another took its place. Can we reach a point where nothing is between us at all or are these years too heavy to ever set aside?

I’ve drawn my own lines and stuck behind them far longer than I should have in.

I drew one between us and called it Enough. A word that echoes hollow now. What is ever Enough when More is so close? It’s right there on the other side of an invisible line. There all answers lie.

Let me erase this line and understand you. Let me find the answers out for myself.

Where would I go when every road I take leads back to you?

**Author's Note:**

> I started this years ago and while it's very short it's been hard to write because it's weird but hey it's A Thing.
> 
> Merry xmas Jo? plt <3<3<3


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